Currently Reading Reflex (Jumper) By Steven Gould see related

want to cry, inability to do so

 All I have wanted to do for the past few days is to give up. I have just wanted to give in to the turmoil that makes up the struggle.... my reason? Because this fight is harder than I realized. My opponent is mischeivious, underhanded, and uses any tactic possible to win a battle. My opponent's ultimate goal is to kill me, take my life slowly and painfully day by day. My opponent is Satan himself, embodied into an eating disorder that science people term anorexia nervosa. I am not afraid of people knowing. It helps. Because when people know it defeats what the little devil wants(which is to be hidden from the eye and seen only by the few). Therefore I get to win that lovely battle.

The harder battles are the ones that are the most fundamental. Ones that I struggle through everyday. Somedays (fewer than most) I win those battles as the victorious leader. Other days, I come away wounded and bleeding, and overly raw with emotion.

I have been told that I have changed in that past few weeks. One friend was wondering if it was because I was in a slip, or the beginnings of my war with Anna(anorexia). Actually it is not. It is truly me. The me who gets to be out and about, not beaten down by Anna. There are ways that I can differentiate sometimes between who Anna is and who I am. Although there have been times that I haven't even come to that realization until Anna had won the battle. Those moments ire me beyond belief.

I am eighteen. I should have been dead last year, but by the grace of God, I am still here. There is something more that I am supposed to do instead of beat down Anna and be the victor in the battle betwixt me and the unseen. I believe defying death twice in a year grants that thought process. I do believe though I could use some powerful prayers to get me through this time of tribulation. I have been working with some pretty amazing people to help and I know that I have quite a way to go until I take full control over Anna.

Now, here is a question, is it good to picture Anna locked away in a prison to which only I have the key? Or multiple keys in my case, because I would not put it past Anna to try and pick the lock. I'd put in some pretty high-tech locks as well, so instead of saying 'key' I will say keys.

God bless all those who help, who make the difference without knowing, and all the children of God

Kelly

Here are a few questions based upon the political candidacy that is occurring as of now.

1. Of the candidates available, for who would you choose to vote?

2. Why?

3. As for the issues debated (healthcare, privacy, security) what 3 are most important to you?

4. Why?

I have a paper I need to do on a candidate, but I do not follow politics very much, just because I do no overly enjoy them all too much and as a student I would rather spend time studying for my upcoming Chemistry 2 test than to watch the tele to see a debate. In this wonderful day and era of technology, if I had a need to see one of the debates or so forth I am quite sure it is floating around somewhere within the world wide web.

Now, I need to ask for prayers for some of my friends. They are having some tough times and need all the support that they can get. And on a final note for this blog, can there be an extra added prayer for my mother. She could use it right about now. Thank you all who have encouraged, helped, and supported me through these past years.

God Bless all.~

Kelly

Currently Reading The Four Loves By C.S. Lewis see related

So much has changed and occurred in this past year. It amazes me how much has happened and what paths I have walked down, life experiences that I have lived through thus far. All in one short year.

I do believe I remember what I was doing this date one year ago. It is not a favorable memory in the least.

Now I am a college student, first year at that, I sometimes wondered if I would ever make it this far in my lifetime. It seems I have and have no other choice but to move forward within my education.

God has placed some very special and unique people in my life in the past few months. I have made some interesting friends and one more-than-a-friend person. I had always believed and thought that I would never delve into the world of relationships and possibility of more, but I seem to find myself knee deep in it right now. I wonder if God has just shook His head in disbelief to my musings on relationships and the like in the past and how He views it now. I struggle to accept it all at points but, slowly, surely, I am gaining a complete grasp of the concept that there is a future person for me.

Ok, now, enough of that.

Blessings come in disguise

Disguised to the eyes

As angels in our paths

placed there to guide us, help lead us

to the One who has the Light of Life Everlasting

so we may be saved

From the demons who chase

Unrelenting, unendingly

after the soul of one more

Saved, lead, met by only One, who is the One

Who has the power to heal the scars and wounds that cut deep

That have degraded the peace

to bring it back to full

brimming in what is seen

To think of making a difference is just that. to think. To make a difference, is to do ones own best to physically do the action that forms the difference which is made.

God bless the nation and Pray for the troops continually~

Kelly (who is dreading the homework that is needed to be completed soon, and a certain person going overseas)

Maturity is not given, nor is it obtained in any material manner. It is achieved by life experiences and how you conduct yourself. Making decisions based upon an open and conducive mind can promote maturity in an individual, I suppose. One item I always question is the term, "Growing up," or the phrase, "When I grow up.." The definition of the term and phrase does not mean to physically grow. That bothers me a little. Why isn't there a true definitive term for expanding one's mind, maturity, and knowledge of things? One could always say, "When I get older," but it does not always imply that when one does grow older those things they state will truly occur. Other sayings, "Older means wiser," and so forth have made me discuss these incorrect quotations. In my view, one can be years older, but none wiser. I have met people who truly believe that, but at the same time, they also, in my personal opinion, lack the maturity to actually support the thesis that they are wiser than others because of their age. While there are some people out there in the world who truly are wise, their age has nothing to do with it. It is a blessing, and that is that.

Well, I need to finish up some more of my homework for school now, I suppose. Classes started a week ago today and I am already studying for my first test.

God Bless Everyone!

Kelly

Merry Christmas

Wishing everyone a blessed and wonderful Christmas.

God Bless

Kelly